Fraternity or Integrity?

Early in my work career I had a teaching moment that continues to show up over and over in my life. I learned from it. I just don’t think the subject of the event learned from it. And I see the same thing happening again and again…

I worked in sales for a small construction company in NM. The owner was a good guy. Good husband and father and seemingly honest business person. One day his young female bookkeeper went the his accountant’s office to deliver some papers. Once there, the accountant offered some alcohol and marijuana to this young woman. Things continued to the point where he was expecting sexual favors which terrified this woman who managed to get out before anything happened.

She came back to the office and told the business owner and I about the event. I said this was totally unacceptable and that he should fire the accountant!

His response was that “M____ was a good guy and he was sure that he didn’t mean any harm”. I also remember other times where he said that M___ helped him save a lot of money with the IRS.

I left the company shortly after that. I can’t say I did it right away due to this, as I was still trying to understand what was real integrity and what was accepted business ethics. But it was a factor.

The rest of the story is after a few years I heard from my former employer that M_____ had embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars from him as he was also dealing with some nasty IRS audits! He was incensed. He couldn’t believe it!

I could. And I made a note of this and have watched this scenario play out over and over again over the years. People who don’t have integrity are consistent. They show you who they are pretty quickly. They rely on their friends to protect them until they don’t need them any more. They rely on the fraternity. And they use it to their sole advantage.

I have never been part of a fraternity. Being a woman, it is less common. I have always walked my own path though have been in the world of business and have tried to show up as honestly as possible while navigating the rules and norms in that world. I know I have compromised, experiencing my own consequences, and had to come to a deep reckoning within myself. What is integrity? What does living in my integrity mean? First and foremost, it means not following or protecting others while standing up for what I know is right and true for me.

Today, I continue to work in fairness and honesty with my business partners and customers. I strive to work with those who also operate with honesty, fairness, and integrity. I strive to do my best. This has provided me with a great humility and peace as I reach greater levels of responsibility and risks. This is my guide and I think is the real source of any success I achieve.

My question is to those (mostly men) who have relied on the fraternity: As you work together and know who your brethren really are, why do you protect the one’s that don’t act with honesty and integrity? I see it again and again. We as a country have been watching this in the highest levels of government. And my question is why do good men (mostly) give passes to men that aren’t so good? Don’t you know that you or someone you love will be next?